No Living Person Is Hitler, and the World Isn’t Ending

Frank J. Fleming believes that a great many crazy people just don't understand how to not appear like citizens of cloud-cuckoo-land or total fruitcakes and, as a result don't even get read. So he offers them "Tips for Not Appearing Crazy on the Internet":

.... Crazy people used to have to try to spread their views through poorly photocopied newsletters with weird font choices that no sane person would read. But on the internet, crazy people can put their opinions right next to those of sane people. If they can just use a little self-discipline to not immediately identify themselves as cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, they might actually get their ideas read. ....

• Look at your keyboard. On the left should be a button labeled “Caps Lock.” Now, there should be a light somewhere indicating whether the Caps Lock key is on. You want that light to be off. ...NEVER EVER TOUCH THE CAPS LOCK KEY EVER AGAIN! I can use it because I’m a professional, but you crazy people just need to leave that key alone. This tip by itself will make a lot of you look 100% less crazy. ....
• Here’s another pretty basic one: no lolcats speak. Write actual English sentences using real words and proper grammar. Capitalize the first word of each sentence. Use punctuation. there is no reason ur comment 2 a blog or column shud look lik ur a n00b at texting. .... You save like 0.1 seconds writing “u” instead of “you” at the cost of making yourself look like an absolute idiot. Is there any reason you’re trying to shave off this time? Are there wild dogs bearing down on you as you write why we need another look at Obama’s birth certificate? ....
• .... If you act surprised when someone expresses an opinion held by most people, it just makes it seem like you’re from Neptune. If 85% of people believe something and you honestly can’t even understand why people would believe that, that means you’re a crazy person whose brain doesn’t work like normal people’s. You want to hide that fact.
• No Living Person Is Hitler, and the World Isn’t Ending. .... To a crazy person, every little bit of nonsense is a crisis of epic proportions that has to be handled right now (e.g., “If it isn’t recognized that Obama doesn’t meet my obscure definition of ‘naturalized citizen,’ then the Constitution will burst into flames and society will collapse!”)! If you are really convinced your issue is of world-ending significance, then it is all the more important that you curb your rhetoric to get people to listen to you. ....
• ...[O]ften crazy people will just read until they see a word or phrase that sets them off and then go off on a big, crazy rant before even reading the whole thing they’re reacting to.... Now, I know when people have crazy in their brains, it is really impatient to be let out. Still, you need to teach your crazy to wait and make sure you are actually listening to and understanding what you’re responding to. Like if someone mentions when Hanukkah is this year and you respond with a rant about Jews controlling the banks, you’re not actually having a sane person conversation. ....

So give it a try in the comments, crazy people. Use these tips to try and make yourselves look sane as you argue that we still need to investigate WTC-7 or that there are many signs that Obama’s birth certificate is fake or that Ron Paul is the last hope for America. Get yourselves heard, crazy people! [more]

Pajamas Media » Tips for Not Appearing Crazy on the Internet