Church humor

I've always been a bit suspicious of these collections of bloopers that "actually appeared in church bulletins." [Who is it that mines the bulletins collecting these things?] But they are the kind of humor my father loved—and remembered, and repeated. I laughed aloud several times as I read the selection here. A few examples of bloopers that "actually appeared in church bulletins":

• The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
• Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is HELL"? Come early and listen to our choir.
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
• The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM . The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaigns slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours." [many more]

The Wittenberg Door: A little Levity: Church Bulletin Bloopers